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Bully Busting Tips

Four important tools for maintaining balance:

flexibility

confidence

self esteem

a climate of trust

A Bully’s Tools:

Withholding resources

Constant criticism

Coercion

Intimidation

Surprise

Secrecy

dirty pool

Top Ten Favorite Tactics of Bullies:

1. Blame for “errors”

2. Unreasonable demands

3. Criticism of ability

4. Inconsistent compliance with rules

5. Threats of job loss

6. Insults and put downs

7. Discounting/denial of accomplishments.

8. Exclusion/Isolation

9. Yelling, screaming

10. Stealing credit.

1. Don’t let it slide, it won’t get better.

2. Enlist support. For witness. Not gossip.

3. Work at being totally comfortable before confronting the bully.

4. Know what your resources are.

Bag of tricks:

what goes in your bag

Definitely the Conflict Compass

Humor

Breathing

Body scans

Use Positive Anger

“SOLER” ENERGY

S - Square Up

O - Open posture

L- Lean in

E- Eye Contact

R- Relaxed and Responsive

Bullybusting tips from veterans of the trenches

1. Take a stand and get the help you need.

2. fight back from the beginning

3. Realize that the bully is really a coward.

4. Don’t back down, but don’t become a bully yourself.

5. Build support and get ready to confront.

6. Realize that this is not a truth about you.

7. Constantly do reality checks with others.

8. Keep a record of bullying incidents

9. Be prepared to go to the corporate office or district manager or as far as necessary.

19 Significant Identifying Characteristics for Bullies as Rated by Experts and by Practicing Educators

Control others through verbal threats and physical actions

Quicker to anger and sooner to use force than others

Tend to have little empathy for the problems of the other person in the victim/bully relationship

Have often been exposed to models of aggressive behaviors

Chronically repeat aggressive behaviors

Inappropriately perceive hostile intent in the actions of others

Are angry, revengeful

Parents are poor role models for getting along with others

Are likely to have contact with aggressive groups

Parents are poor role models for constructively solving problems

See only aggression as the way to preserve their self-image

Inconsistent discipline procedures at home

Perceived physical image is important for maintaining a feeling of power and control

Focus on angry thoughts

Have many more family problems than usual

Parents often do not know the child's whereabouts

Suffer physical and emotional abuse at home

Create resentment and frustration in peer group

21 Significant Identifying Characteristics for Victims

Exhibit obsessive or rigid actions

Believe that they cannot control their environment

Have ineffective social skills

Have poor interpersonal skills

Less popular than others

Have underlying fears of personal inadequacy

Blame themselves for their problems

Given labels suggesting inadequacy

Isolated socially

Afraid of going to school

Are physically younger, smaller and weaker than peers

Have limited skills for gaining success and acceptance

Run out of communication capabilities during high stress incidents

Have a poor self-concept

Show physical mannerisms associated with depression

Have frequent feelings of personal inadequacy

Perform self-destructive actions

Believe others are more capable of handling various situations

Have difficulty relating to peers

Have family members who are over-involved in the student's decisions and activities

Perceived progressive failures cause this person to put forth less effort with each presenting opportunity

Feel external factors have more of an impact on them than internal control
From: Hazler, Carney, Green, Powell & Jolly (1997). Areas of expert agreement on identification of school bullies and victims. School Psychology International, 19, 5-14.
Carney, Hazler, & Higgins (under submission). Identifying Characteristics of Peer Abusers and Victims. The School Community Journal.

Resource List

Capturing Kids Hearts and Teen Leadership
M.B. FLip Flippen and Monty Roberts
Leadership Solutions
M.B. Flippen and Associates
1199 Haywood Drive
College Station, TX
1-800-499-5181
Julie@leadershipsolutions.com

Breaking the Cycle of Violence:
Intervention for Bullying and Victimization.
Richard Hazler, PhD.
Washington, DC:
Accelerated Development/Taylor & Francis Publishers. This book provides a clear picture of school bullies and victims and a step-by-step model for helping break the cycle of violence that goes with these problems. Hands-on actions to break the cycle of violence in its earliest stages are offered for school counselors, parents, bullies, victims, and bystanders.

Helping in the Hallways: Advanced Strategies for Enhancing School Relationships.
Richard Hazler, PhD.
Thousand Oaks, CA: Corwin Press.
Practical actions to improve relationships with students and adults and increase your positive influence on school safety and learning climate

The Bully at Work
What You Can Do to Stop the Hurt and Reclaim Your Dignity on the Job
Gary Namie, PhD
Ruth Namie, PhD
Sourcebooks, Inc. Naperville, IL

Jack and Jill, Why They Kill
James Shaw

Campaign Against Workplace Bullying
www.bullybusters.org

Bully B’Ware Productions
www.bullybeware.com
tips, strategies and media reports
on bullies.

Conflict Compass
The Conflict DOJO
Jill Johnson & Associates
206-228-8304
JJ@wolfenet.com

Dennis Day
Insight Educational Services
206-344-9114
insightedu@hotmail.com

Kids
Bullies Are a Pain in the Brain
written and illustrated by Trevor Romain
Excellent simple straight forward children’s book containing information, tips, and ideas that are realistic and easy to use.
101 pages Free Spirit Publishing Inc. toll - free 1-800-735-7323

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